My so called Marathon doesn’t have the ending I expected. I mean,
it’s pretty evident that you have to run 26.2 miles to run a marathon. My
longest run this year was 18 miles, so how does someone like me have the
audacity to title her year of running, “My so called Marathon.” Shouldn’t that
be reserved for the athletes who accomplished such a feat?
Well....my marathon was a little different. It didn’t end at a
finish line and it certainly didn’t start at a starting line. It was an accumulation of something that goes
beyond that of which any race could provide me. The true marathon for me was
something within. Something that doesn’t come with a shinny trophy or cheers at
the end. You couldn’t see the progress on a Runkeeper chart or your pace being
blared every mile. There was no map to guide me, but similar to a marathon
there was a lot of fighting with what my coach calls “the mind monkeys.”
I started running in 2015. My race started the second my feet
decided to move and not give up. When I made the choice to become a survivor
rather than a victim. That year I was sexually assaulted and abused. The
harassment continued well into 2016. The trauma rendered me unable to function.
With many survivors you try to piece together what happened to you. For me, my
brain choose to shut down. It went into survival mode and never came out of it.
What I was experiencing was PTSD. I know that PTSD can be
overcome in some cases. It doesn’t have to rule you and I refused to let it
rule me. That’s were the running came in. Every mile I started to process the
pain. I started to piece together everything that happened to me. I also
reclaimed power over my own body, which was taken from me.
The running helped, but I found myself needing more. That’s when
I discovered TRP. I was scared to say the least, to show up to a track not
knowing anyone, but that quickly changed with the warmth I felt from others. I
wanted to set more goals for myself and I asked Keith and Shokofeh if I could
join in their coaching program.
Keith decided to take on my stubbornness and coach me. He talked
me into running my first race, Run with the Roosters. I thought he was crazy
for asking me to run this race, because I thought I wasn’t a “true” runner. I
did what he said and I ended up placing 2nd in my age group.
That wasn’t the
best thing that happened that day. What really meant something to me was the
people who cheered for me at the finish
(including my coach) and having a friend running in with me to the finish line.
I felt like I was worth something and I hadn’t felt that in a long time.
My coach had me run another race. The Catalina State Park Splitz. Again, I
freaked out and thought I wasn’t good enough. With friends that helped me train
and a schedule from my coach I was able to place 2nd in my age group.
My last race for the year was suppose to be the Tucson
Marathon. It was my goal race, but
unfortunately, like life, things don’t go as planed. I ended up getting injured
and unable to run. That injury hasn’t stopped me from wanting to run a
marathon, just like life’s unfortunate events didn’t stop me from living. In
2017 I hope to run my first marathon, not as a survivor, but as a warrior.
I’m thankful for the friends I have made in TRP, my family, my
significant other, my children, and SACASA for helping me see that their is a
finish line and life is worth living. This was a different kind of marathon for
me...it was my so called marathon.
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